


A Night of Hell at Lux

by Taffycat64



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:31:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taffycat64/pseuds/Taffycat64
Summary: This takes place, oh, a couple years down the road from now I guess. And in my world, Lucifer and Chloe have connected and in fact miraculously have a little baby boy named Sam.Maze has decided to put Lucifer through the paces.





	1. The Set Up

**Author's Note:**

> John Taffer and Bar Rescue is based on his realty show on Spike TV. No Infringement intended.  
> Betty White will make an appearance because I think she's a grand old broad who would be an awesome guest star on the show, so she does in my world. I hope I do her justice!  
> I hope you enjoy the story.

John Taffer watched the little screen from the comfort of his SUV in the parking lot of Lux. Next to him was Lisa Marie, his expert mixologist. What he saw was standard bar prep work, though it looked like there were some new hires working tonight as the manager was having to give obvious direction that anyone with experience would know already. After years of rescuing failing bars on his Bar Rescue show, he decided to do a special show and search out the BEST bar he could find and see how they worked. He continued to watch the pretty, dark haired manager direct the prep work. Mazikeen, an odd name that somehow fit the woman he was watching. They’d been in contact for a few weeks. Last week, with Mazikeen’s permission, cameras and microphones had been placed discretely around the bar. As anyone in business knows, the establishment reflects the owner, so it was the bar owner he was interested in, a Mr. Lucifer Morningstar. He had heard many interesting things about Mr. Morningstar. He was a mover and a shaker, a collector of debts, a keeper of promises, from and to people of all walks of life. He had heard that many in Mr. Morningstar’s circle seemed to rise appreciably once they met him. He paid well, above the norm, and that was true all the way down to the janitor, and was considered to be a good boss. He could be charming, even mesmerizing some said. A real smooth operator. But he was also a man not to be crossed, though he noticed people were vague in giving those types of details. All in all, a very capable man and tonight Mazikeen promised it would be a true test of those abilities on several levels.

~

She’d been planning this for some time and it was all Maze could do NOT to smirk as Lucifer walked in, infant carrier in hand and Trixie in tow and make a beeline for the elevator. He was scowling. Perfect. “Lucifer,” she called out, stopping him in his tracks.

Lucifer took a deep breath, forgot that he didn’t want to do that, not with…what the hell was Chloe feeding their son anyways? It seemed to him that it was constantly coming out one end or the other whenever he was around. His shirt was already toast, probably have to have his suit cleaned as well just to get the smell out, and to top off his night, ten minutes before in the car on the way here, their sweet and innocent boy did something mighty disgusting in that nappy. And he didn’t even have his convertible tonight for fresh air. Car seat wouldn’t fit. Two kids wouldn’t fit. Chloe had actually told him that they needed to get a van last week. The DEVIL DOES NOT DO VANS! No, lately the devil is doing sedans, with car seats and spilled orange drink on the seats and French fries down in between them and who knew what else. And cheerios. What the hell was the deal with the cheerios and backseats? He exhaled, “What?” His eyes were watering already. The smell was really getting to him.

“Don’t forget, I’m off tonight. Heading out to do some bounty hunting. Amenadiel is joining me. So you’re it for tonight,” she answered. Damn, her smirk slipped into place a little despite her best efforts.

“What do you mean, I’m it? I thought Hector was covering tonight,” he replied.

Maze was outright smiling now, she couldn’t help it. “Nope. He had that party to go to. Said he’d missed the last two because of work and tonight was special. I gave him the night off.”

“Maze!” Trixie excitedly ran over to her friend. “I need to get in some practice time!”

Trixie was special to Maze. She was her first human friend ever, and it was a special bond. This time she did smirk. “Sure,” she glanced over at the Lord of Hell, “we have a few minutes to practice while Daddy does diaper duty upstairs.” She watched as Daddy Devil and Little Devil stepped into the elevator. She heard the baby starting to howl just as the door shut. “Come on. Let’s get the board out and the knives and see if your aim has improved.” She was grinning for real now. Tonight was shaping up just perfect.

~

John looked at the screen in shock. “Are those knives? She’s showing that little girl how to throw knives?” He blinked. “In a bar?!”

Lisa Marie looked closely. “Huh. She’s pretty good actually. Good eye/hand coordination.”

~

Maze repositioned Trixie’s hand ever so slightly. “Okay, try it now.” She heard the ‘bing’ of the elevator opening behind her.

“Bullseye!” Trixie exclaimed and gave Maze a high-five. She turned, grinning from ear to ear. “Lucifer! Did you see? A bullseye!”

“Uh, yeah, terrific. Maze, we talked about this. I had to pay four grand to reupholster those booths last month,” he reminded them both.

“But my aim’s much better now!” Trixie pointed out.

Maze shrugged. “You heard her, her aim’s much better now!”  She spotted Amenadiel walking in. “Okay munchkin, let’s put this up, I got work to do.”

“Luci,” Amenadiel greeted his brother as Maze and Trixie put away their knife throwing set up, and then  he hunched over a bit to get a good look at his little nephew and tickled the baby in the carrier that was sitting on a table, “And how’s our little devil doing, hmm? Gitchy, gitchy, goo.”

Lucifer made a disgusting sound and rolled his eyes. “Must you?”

Amenadiel grinned. Every time he thought of Lucifer dealing with a little Lucifer running amuck, he just had to grin. He couldn’t wait for Sam to start walking. “What?”

“Make those stupid noises at him. I mean really. Gitchy, gitchy, goo? What kind of nonsense is that?” Lucifer griped.

As Amenadiel, Maze, and Lucifer talked, Trixie took this interruption as an opportunity to get the goods that she knew was stashed behind the bar. She opened the bar fridge. Felt around the beers and wines, and yep, it was in the back. Maze never forgets. She pulled out the food container of chocolate cake. Went to the bar for a glass, looked at the bartender, “Shirley Temple, please,” she asked politely.

Travis was new, only been around a couple of months, but he’d seen the little girl come in and out often and pretty much make herself at home here. And since a good part of the time she came down the elevator from the owner’s private penthouse, he figured it’d be a good idea to oblige the little girl. “Coming right up.” He poured the grenadine, coke, cherry and handed it over.

“But why tonight, Maze? Chloe got called in with Dan, so I’ve got both of them. How am I supposed to run this place and watch the kids at the same time?” Lucifer pointed out during their powwow at the end of the bar. Out of the corner of his eye he noted that Amenadiel was studiously ignoring them and continuing to make stupid noises and now faces at his son. I mean really? A grown ass angel. It was enough to make one sick.

“Look, not my fault. I don’t get to pick when I get a lead on a fugitive. You’re, well… Lucifer. Are you telling me that you can’t handle a couple of kids?” Maze retorted with the required eye roll. “By the way, where’d Trixie go?” she asked as she looked around.

“Huh?” Lucifer just realized the same thing and was starting to turn around…

CLANG!

“Oops,” Trixie looked up sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Lucifer’s jaw dropped. “Why is there a soda on my piano… where’d you get the chocolate cake… it’s all over!” Exasperated. “Why? I mean…” he crossed the floor in a few long strides to get a better idea of the damage. He tentatively pushed a key. There’s frosting between the keys. “Why… just… why?”

The sound of his dad being upset caused Sam to be upset, so like all infants do when they are upset, “Wha… wha…” then he caught a good breath and let out a loud, “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”

Maze patted Amenadiel on the shoulder to get his attention as they watched Lucifer stand over his beloved piano, baby crying on the background. “Okay, I think that’s our cue to get.” They couldn’t leave fast enough.

~

John was laughing. Seriously, who wouldn’t? He watched as Mazikeen and that other fellow moved off screen and spotted them coming out of the door and heading towards them. He glanced over at Lisa Marie, she was trying not to smear her makeup as she wiped the tears away. He popped the unlock button so Mazikeen and that guy, what was his name, Amenadiel, could jump into the SUV. He was still chuckling as he glanced back at the screen. There was a spray bottle in Lucifer’s hand and some towels now. He and the little girl were now wiping down the piano keys. The little baby was still howling. Nope, wait, now Lucifer went over to pick up the baby. Cleaning towel still in other hand, back to the piano with the baby. Was that a delivery guy coming in the back way?

“So is it usually this um… chaotic” John asked after they all introduced themselves.

“Only when I want it to be,” Maze admitted.

Amenadiel loved watching his normally suave and sophisticated brother deal with it all and made himself comfortable as they all watched the little screen. He wondered if there was any popcorn around for the show.

~

Why did humans want to procreate again? HOW did HE procreate? It wasn’t supposed to be possible! He wondered for the millionth time, as his eardrums started to throb from the crying. He knew from experience that the old ‘let them cry it out’ philosophy did absolutely not work with his son. Sam was definitely his son. They figured it had to do with him being mortal around Chloe, which apparently included fertility. Never figured on that. Damn. He tried bouncing his son on his hip, like Chloe did. No help there. He supposed giving his son a bottle of bourbon would probably piss Mom off. Wait. Mom. Or a grandma would do. “Where’s your grandma?” he asked as he continued to multitask cleaning the piano and trying to calm his son. Neither was working very well.

“Santa Fe,” she answered as she wiped.

“Damn,” he mumbled. He was running out of time. The bar was supposed to open soon and kids could not be in it. Maybe someone else… He checked his phone, maybe she would do it.

~

Maze scowled. Who could Lucifer call for help? She did her best to pick the timing, Chloe’s mom out of town, she and Amenadiel out of the picture, Ella’s visiting family in Detroit, and Chloe & Dan both getting called in as an added bonus. Who…she glanced over as a car pulled up. Oh damn. She was supposed to be out of town still. Maze opened the door and waved, “Hey Linda. Linda. Over here.”

Linda glanced around as she heard her name. She was surprised to see Maze in the big black SUV, but came over anyway. Maze hopped out to let her in. Hmmm, “I got back early and decided to have a drink before dinner. What’s going on?”

Maze grabbed the cell phone before Linda could answer. Yep, it said Lucifer. Maze made some quick introductions to John and Lisa Marie as the call went to voicemail.

“Okay Maze, what’s this about?” she asked more directly as Maze handed back her phone, she saw the missed call was from Lucifer.

“An experiment,” Maze admitted with a half-grin.

Linda’s eyes narrowed as she saw the smirk. “What kind of experiment? It’s on Lucifer, obviously.”

John turned to look at the backseat and explained, “We’re looking for the best bar for my TV show and so far Lux is in the running for it. But so much depends on the owner, we wanted to see how well Lucifer Morningstar handles it. Really put him through the paces.”

Linda’s jaw dropped slightly, she couldn’t stop it. “You…you’re putting Lucifer through the paces?” She gave Maze and then Amenadiel a significant look, “are you sure that’s a good idea. I mean, he’s…” she glanced at the occupants of the front seat and amended her comment, “he’s Lucifer.”

“Sure. And he even has the kids tonight since Chloe and Dan are working. And I know Sam’s teething, so… it should be a good showing. Really see what he remembers about bartending.” She gave up hiding it and really grinned. “See,” she instructed along with a nod towards the little screen.

“On camera no less,” Linda commented. This was a bad idea on so many levels. Recording the devil without his knowledge. An incredible invasion of privacy, yet…how often would she get to see him in unguarded moments with his family, and at work. He always had that veneer. Sometimes he would let it slip, but not often. It could give her some good insights into the man that Lucifer really can be. “Does he actually know how to bartend? I mean I’ve seen him pour a drink or two but never actually make them.” She made herself comfortable as she started to observe her patient and friend from afar. She’d worry about ethics later.

“Mmm, he can. He just doesn’t like to and hasn’t done it in years. Waiting on people just really isn’t his thing.” Maze sat back to enjoy herself.

~

“Damn,” he growled at his phone. No answer. Linda was his last hope. He thought again and groaned. Not exactly his last hope. There was one other but to say it was a tricky situation was an understatement. With a slight bow to the inevitable he handed his howling son to his sister. “Here, hold him for a second.”

Trixie sat the cleaning bottle and rag down and took her brother, who had big brown eyes and dark hair that curled. “Hey Sam. What’s the matter?” Her brother turned his face to her and was now onto that hiccupping stage of crying. She adored her baby brother. He looked just like his dad. And she adored Lucifer. He was so much fun!

She was there the first time Lucifer changed Sam’s diaper, which he called a nappy. He wasn’t fast enough and got peed on. The second time runny yucky stuff started coming out the other part mid-diaper change. And Mommy keeps making him burp Sam. Lucifer sure goes through a lot of shirts.

But Lucifer also lets Maze teach her how to throw knives even though Mommy doesn’t like it. And we all just sort of agreed that Mommy didn’t need to know about the sword lessons. Plus he plays the piano for her. And always takes her for ice cream whenever picking her up from school. Also she had almost $500 stashed away that she’s collected in her swear jar. $2 per swear and “bloody” anything counted double. Recently he started slipping her a hundred at the first of the month to cover the swear jar. She never had a bed time when Lucifer babysat, she simply fell asleep whenever she was sleepy. And dinner could be cake and ice cream or even candy bars, with gallons of sodas, whatever she liked. No questions asked. In fact if he was dropping her off at Daddy’s they ALWAYS stopped by a candy store first. He let her skip school once and took her to the pier to ride rides. He was awesome at winning ring toss or knocking the bottles down and she still had the stuffed elephant and tiger on her bed to prove it. But they got busted because Lucifer didn’t know about calling in sick to the school and they’d called Mommy, who was waiting for them when they got home. It wasn’t pretty. But he was her Lucifer and none of her friends had anyone as near as awesome as him! “Who ya calling?” she asked as she noted his frown as his cell phone dialed out.

“Babysitter… I hope.” He answered as he scowled at his phone, resenting the fact that he was reduced to this. Damn, she actually picked up. “MUM…Mum, you know how you always say you don’t get to spend enough time with us? Never get to see Samuel…no, no, it’s not Samael Jr., it’s Samuel…but that’s what’s on his birth certificate…MUM…Mum, let’s not go through this again. Would you like to spend a little time with us tonight? Yes, I’m serious. Just me and Sam,” he glanced down, “and Trixie.” He was holding his breath, not sure if he did or did not want her to do this, but he knew he had no choice so he played his trump card, “Mum, I need you,” he pleaded. “Right, an hour.” He glanced down and saw Trixie giving him ‘the look’. It was the same look Chloe gave him when Trixie was too tired to get up in the morning for school and he’d watched her the night before. Like he was somehow responsible for her tiredness or crankiness. “What?”

~

Amenadiel’s jaw dropped, “Tell me he didn’t just call who I think he did?” And he laughed outright.

Maze was cracking up, “Oh this is going to be good.”

John and Lisa Marie looked at each other. Clearly confused. “Didn’t he just call his mother to watch the kids? If you don’t mind me asking, why is that so unusual?”

“Wait until you meet Mom,” Amenadiel was still chuckling.

Linda shook her head. She just couldn’t picture it.

~

Trixie crinkled her nose. “Does she have to?” Charlotte was not her favorite person. She didn’t like to play and wasn’t funny at all but somehow she was Lucifer’s mom. Mommy tried to explain it once but it ended with “it’s complicated”.

Lucifer glanced over at the delivery guy holding out a clipboard for signature. “Yes. Tonight…yes.” He answered as he signed. Why was he delivering so late? Who was going to inventory it and put it away… wait a minute. He grabbed the clipboard back. How many kegs of beer were being delivered? “This isn’t your normal time, is it?”

“Nope,” delivery dude answered.

“Why so much?” Lucifer asked.

“That’s what was ordered,” he answered with a shrug.

Lucifer eyed him suspiciously, “right.” He started to go after him but was stopped by…

“Lucifer, he did it again,” Trixie announced. And Sam started fussing again.

“You’re kidding,” Lucifer stopped with a pained expression. “I’ll double whatever is in your swear jar if you change him.” This is really getting ridicules. What exactly had his dad been thinking of with humans starting off as babies?

Trixie sniffed and then shook her head, “Nuh uh.” She handed him over to his reluctant dad.

Lucifer held him out and away. Yikes, the earlier one must have been a warm up for this one. Eyes watering. He glanced over at the bar. What was that bartender’s name? “You, Newbie…”

“Travis, sir,” he corrected.

“Right…whatever, go get the beer delivery sorted out.” He instructed and nodded his head in the direction of the beer cooler. He noticed a very young man that he had never seen before coming in his direction. Oh and Sam was now sniffling. Crying would be next, he knew.

“Mr. Morningstar?” The young man inquired.

“Yeah,” Trying to hold your breath and talk at the same wasn’t easy.

“I’m here, ready to start,” he took a step back as he got a whiff.

“Great… um, start what?” Lucifer was sure his eyes were starting to tear up. Sam was squirming.

“I’m Marcus, the new bartender trainee. It sure was nice of Ms. Mazikeen to give me the opportunity to learn how to bartend. She said you’re the best bartender to get me started.” He glanced around. “Where do you want me?”

“Bartender trainee?” Did they even have such a position? “You mean you have no…” Gag. He needed to tend to his son. “Fine, go over there to the bar. See the bins with the lemons and limes and such? Go cut those and put them in the separate containers for the drinks.” Cough. “I’ll be back in a bit.” He glanced back at Trixie. “You, come with me.”

She pouted as she picked up their previous conversation, “I don’t like her.”

“Yeah, well, join the club,” Lucifer shot back.

“She’s so grouchy around me.” She complained as she got in the elevator with him.

“Well, don’t call her granny, and maybe she won’t be,” Lucifer a suggested.

“I have some other names I’d rather call her,” she suggested. Lucifer gave her a ‘look’ as the door closed.

~

John Taffer checked his notes. He didn’t see anything about Lucifer Morningstar being married or having kids. In fact just the opposite. A real player on the dating scene as well. Something obviously changed. He glanced back at the bar scene and scowled a bit. The new bartender trainee was still slicing fruit and that Travis was finally back behind the bar doing prep, not very well though, rather sloppy actually.  He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Mazikeen scowling as she was watching as well. “He’s rather new?”

“A couple of months. Not really there yet. Till keeps coming up short when he works too. I figured a night working with Lucifer would scare him straight or he’d have his walking papers by morning,” Maze admitted.

“You know, it’s interesting but I haven’t seen Lucifer touch a single drop of alcohol all evening,” Linda observed.

Maze snorted. “He wouldn’t dare. Not when he has sole responsibility for the kids. Chloe made that very clear.” She snorted again. Man, she loved when Chloe laid the law down to Lucifer. Took quite a woman to do that to the Lord of Hell.

“Chloe is his wife?” John hazard to guess.

“Close enough,” Amenadiel chimed in. He wondered if they would ever get married. Actually take a vow before Dad? He knew without a doubt that Chloe would be the only one his brother would even consider actually marrying.  

They all had to smile when Lucifer returned downstairs wearing a crisp white shirt and suit vest, no jacket, but it was the kids, dressed for bed that brought the smiles. Trixie was in flannel, robe and fuzzy slippers, backpack in hand, and little Sam was in a red one piece, and was already drooling on his dad’s shirt.

~

“Right, now over here. This booth close to the elevator.” Lucifer glanced behind the bar, there it was, the folding screen, and moved it in front of the booth, blocking its view from the bar floor but not from the bartenders. Best he could do until Mum got there. “Okay, pizza should be here shortly, have a seat. He placed the baby carrier next to Trixie and then got her a soda. He then took a moment to close his eyes and simply take a deep breath. His son was still on his shoulder and all he could smell was him, now that he was clean. That “baby smell” Chloe called it. Something special. His son. He relished these times, as if the world stopped for just a moment.

~

Linda grinned at what she saw. In a few of their sessions Lucifer had expressed his confusion and concern about ‘bonding’ with his son. Claimed he didn’t know anything about it. Doubted he knew how to do it. Didn’t really understand it. As she watched Lucifer cuddle his son close to him and simply closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling, she knew that he had nothing to worry about.  

~

“Mr. Morningstar, what’s next?” Marcus asked hesitantly. He glanced over at the bouncer who was unlocking the front door. It was show time.

Lucifer gave his son a peck on the forehead and then put him in his carrier, next to his sister. “Okay Little Human, keep an eye on your brother. I’ll be right there,” he pointed to the bar. “Mum should be here in about twenty minutes.”

Trixie huffed. “Great. Can’t wait.”

Lucifer eyed her. He wasn’t sure which he should be more wary of, Mum with Trixie or Trixie with Mum. “Right. Just stay put. I’ll send the pizza over when it gets here. And there’s a bottle in your backpack if he starts to fuss.” With that, he turned his attention to the bar as his first patrons started to filter in. He was not smiling at what he saw.


	2. The Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the night progresses some of your old favorites stop by.

“Right,” Lucifer looked around the bar and rolled up his shirt sleeves. Time to get to work. He directed Marcus on getting his station ready, what to have out and handy, what glasses he needed, etc. He glanced over at Newbie and wasn’t thrilled with what he saw. Nothing had been wiped down, common mixes and such were not at the ready. He was going to have to have a chat with Maze. But no time to dwell, patrons were lining up. He conjured up a charming smile at the handsome man on the other side of the bar, “and what do you desire?”

The bar was busy but it was early. It would be packed later on. He poured various drinks, showed Marcus how to properly pour a draft, a glass of wine, simple well drinks, all the while keeping an eye on the kids, Marcus, and trying not to scowl at Newbie, who was slow as molasses. He picked up the pace. It was almost three to one ratio on who was producing the drinks the fastest. Of course he had an advantage of being a celestial being with the reflexes to match.

~

Lisa Marie had her stop watch out. “15 seconds. I’ve never seen anyone pour a drink so fast and be consistent. Amazing! And he’s actually doing a good job training that new bartender.” She shook her head in wonder as seeing him in action.

The three in the backseat shared a concerned look. Maybe this wasn’t the best of ideas?

~

Lucifer gave the pizza dude a generous tip and Trixie a quick smile as she tore into her pepperoni pizza. She was doing a bit of multitasking herself as in the other hand was a baby bottle. Little Sam was likewise having dinner. He glanced at his watch. Mum should be there any time now.

He saw Newbie do it again. Again it was a pretty girl. This was the third time. He was going to have to do something about it. His eyes flashed for a moment.

~

John scowled and made a mental note to have the camera equipment checked after this job. There shouldn’t been any red eye.

~

Lucifer grinned but it was not a grin you would want to be the recipient of, he spoke ever so softly, calmly, but more deadly than any battle cry could convey, directly into his ear, “Comping drinks to pretty ladies is not your prerogative. It’s stealing from me. I had better see every drink be rung up, starting now.”

~

John was wondering when Lucifer was going to catch that. He’d noticed that the prettier the girl, the less likely he saw money going into the till. Obviously Lucifer had warned him. It was a good one too from the way Travis was reacting. He actually was shaking a bit and nodding, and mumbling a lot of, “yes, sir, Mr. Morningstar’s,” at him. He recalled the vague stories about Lucifer being ‘not a man to be crossed’ and started to understand it more. Still, you don’t threaten your employees. You fired them.

Maze watched Travis blanch and mutter. She knew he’d be gone by morning. You don’t steal from the devil. Period.

~

“Mum!” Lucifer announced with relief as she walked in, dressed as ever in heels and a smart suit.

~

John’s eyes sort of popped at that. “She’s his mother?!”

“Not just his. Did I mention that I’m Lucifer’s brother?” Amenadiel informed them. He shouldn’t admit it but sometimes it was just downright fun to screw with the humans.

Both John and Lisa Marie’s jaws dropped. Holy shit!

~

“Seriously? Serving the unwashed masses?” Charlotte inquired with raised eyebrows.

“I’m pretty sure they washed.” Lucifer poured her a drink. Made sure to write out a chit to put in the till, had to be a good example he supposed.

“Hmmm,” she scanned around and spotted them in the screened off booth. “Both of them.”

Trixie glared at her.

“Now Mum, she’s just a child,” Lucifer reminded her. “And Chloe’s daughter.” He saw his Mum was about to make a remark he’d rather she did not make, “and my step-daughter.”

“Not really. You never put that last ring on Chloe’s finger. The one that counts,” she retorted.

“True, but she got a huge diamond. You know how I feel about her and by extension her daughter,” he admitted.

Charlotte nodded. “Fine. I don’t know why that little human has to be so… so…”

“Charming, insightful, funny, smart, truthful…” Lucifer helpfully supplied.

“Fine,” she wasn’t going to argue. She looked again. “Is Samael all ready for bed?” she asked as he seemed to be in sleeper. One she’d gotten him she noted.

Lucifer stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Mum insisted on Samael no matter how many times they corrected her. He glanced over, saw the empty bottle and was slightly concerned. He’d drunk the whole bottle in one sitting. Trixie was grinning. Crap. He had no doubt she’d done it on purpose. Sam usually could not take a whole bottle without being burped along the way or he’d puke half of it back up. “Yeah, uh, let me get you a clean towel… you know, for drooling and such. He’s teething after all.”

“Oh okay,” she answered and walked over to the children. “Hello Trixie.” She was going to do her best to be civil, for her son’s sake.

“Hello… Me-maw,” Trixie answered back as she handed over her very full brother to his grandmother and started to collect her things.

“Me-maw? What’s that mean?” She asked as her son put a towel over her shoulder for her grandson to drool on, and escorted them to the elevator. She looked at her little grandson. He did remind her of her son when he was new. It never occurred to her that she would have a half-human grandson, or any grandchildren really. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. But Chloe had done the impossible. She still wasn’t sure how, and she kissed her little precious grandson’s forehead. Right now, it didn’t matter. He was here, and she was here with two of her sons and now grandson. That’s all the mattered.

“Lucifer said not to call you granny anymore so I needed to think of something else, Me-maw.” Trixie smiled delightedly.

And Trixie, Charlotte reminded herself. Her grandson had a sister that spent entirely too much time with a demon.

Lucifer was concerned.

“Well, find another one,” Charlotte demanded as they stepped into the elevator.

“Okay, how about Godzilla…”

Lucifer was relieved that the elevator door shut just in time. He would not go up to check on them. Nope, not once. He might not make it back out alive.

~

Amenadiel and Linda were giving Maze a look.

“What?” Maze responded.

“Exactly how much babysitting do you do for them?” Linda asked.

Maze shrugged. “She’s my roomy.”

“Not since Luci bought them their house,” Amenadiel reminded her.

“Yeah, well, the kid needs me. I mean, who else is going to teach her how to handle knives and swords?” Maze countered.

John and Lisa Marie said absolutely nothing. They didn’t turn around, didn’t make a sound. What kind of people were they dealing with?

~

Lucifer continued to pour drinks and somehow run the bar. Usually he was out on the floor meeting and greeting. He sighed inward, a spell actually behind the bar couldn’t hurt. He’d forgotten one thing though, he couldn’t turn ‘it’ off. So far he’d been propositioned over two dozen times, had over fifteen phone numbers slipped to him. By now Marcus didn’t even bat an eye when the two buxom babes sashayed up to the bar.

“Hey Lucifer,” she giggled slightly. “Long time no call.”

Lucifer glanced up and smiled, “Brittany.” He looked at the one next to her, “and Brittany!” He looked again. “Where’s, uh, Brittany?”

“Oh, she took a job outside of Vegas,” Brittany One answered. “How come you don’t call anymore?” She smiled seductively, “we could always take a quick hop over to Vegas for a reunion.”

He poured them two gin and tonics, and wrote out a chit for them, for old time sake. “Ah Brittany, what can I say, life moves in mysterious ways.”

“Oh, a Brad would be okay, if you’d like,” Brittany Two volunteered.

“Yes, I’m sure one would, but, uh…” Oh hell with it, he just blurted it out, “I’m a dad now!”

“OH MY GOD! CONGRATULATIONS!” Both Brittanies blurted out at the same time, while simultaneously grabbing him for hugs and kisses. “Boy or girl? How old? Where’s he/she at? Oh my God, did you get married?” Brittany One checked the finger, nope still naked. “Wait, who’s the mom?”

“A boy, Sam, he’s upstairs with his grandmother and probably already down for the night, and you remember the Detective?” He answered. A thought crossed his mind. Trixie would probably be miserable with his mum, at least with the Brittanies she could have some fun. He glanced at that the Brittanies and then up at the ceiling…Brittanies…ceiling…Brittanies…one could almost see the cogs of his brain turning it over and it was on the tip of his tongue to ask…

~

“Oh no, no, no Lucifer. Don’t do it.” Linda told the screen.

Maze chuckled. “I bet I would be teaching Chloe how to throw knives next if she catches the Brittanies with her children.”

Even though Lisa Maria didn’t know these people, she nodded in agreement. Never have ex’s babysit.

John and Amenadiel were clueless.

~

“Uh, yes, well. Tonight’s not good,” he finally decided, once he conjured up in his mind what Chloe’s reaction might be. Chloe tolerated his past, so long as it stayed in the past. Having the Brittanies around the children would not be in the past. Chloe could be downright scary when riled. He always did love a challenge, but perhaps not tonight. Trixie and Mum would just have to deal with each other for a bit longer.

As the night wore on he would glance around and saw the Brittanies being entertained by a variety of men, all well dressed and oiled. He knew they’d be well looked after. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Newbie doing the unforgivable. He quickly snatched a bottle of blue colored syrup and poured it all over the ice, so no one would accidentally use it. He spoke only two words to Newbie through clinched teeth, “go home.”

“But…but Mr. Morningstar…” Travis pleaded.

“GO.HOME!” He was going to lose it if Newbie didn’t leave now. He wanted him gone and not a quivering heap on the floor.

Travis gulped. Did Mr. Morningstar’s eyes just flash red? He nodded and knew without a doubt that very bad things would happen if he didn’t do as instructed. Once decided, he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

~

John nodded in agreement. You simply do not use glass to scoop the ice. Major liability if a glass chip got into someone’s drink.

Maze sighed. She’d have his paycheck ready in the morning. She’d probably have to mail it to him as he didn’t look like he was coming back, at least not with Lucifer around.

~

Lucifer directed one of the cleanup people to get a bucket of hot water to melt the ice, clean the bin and then refill it. That also meant he was the only one that knew how to tend bar and he was running out of patience. He pulled the call list from underneath the register and pulled out his phone. It was a warm summer night and most were not available, as a last resort he dialed Hector. “Hector, its Lucifer. Yes. Fine. I know this is your night off but I’m down a bartender, actually I’m the only bartender myself. Yes, yes, been a long time since I saw some action. I was wondering…I would make it worth your while. Really? Terrific! Oh don’t worry about that, straight from the party would be fine. No need to change. I’m sure your party clothes will fit in just perfect. Yes, yes, I’m sure. Right, half an hour. See you then.”

Lucifer gave his vest a slight tug to straighten it as he turned to face the patrons. The lines was getting pretty deep. “Right, let’s see what we can do about this,” he told himself. He plastered his most charming smile on, really made it count, and purred at the lady, “Tell me. What do you desire?”

She didn’t know what hit her. As she walked away from the bar in a bit of a daze, she wondered why she ordered a shot of bourbon. She didn’t even like bourbon. She meant to get a margarita.

~

“Huh, lots of shots of whiskey being poured,” Lisa Marie observed.

Amenadiel watched his brother closely. He could almost feel the power his brother was exuding to move the patrons along. He wondered how many really wanted whiskey.

~

Lucifer had successfully cleared out the bulk of the waiting patrons and glanced up just in time to see the ugliest woman in the world walk in. She was over 6’4” in five inch heels, red sequence gown slit down to there, with bushy hair, well…everywhere, and an impeccably groomed full-on beard. His jaw dropped as she came over. “Hector?”

“Hey, Mr. Morningstar,” Hector answered in a melancholy way.

“Hector?” Lucifer asked again as he took it all in, from head to toe. His eyes lingered on the toes. He was sure there were medieval torture devices that were less painful. “Do you…uh, I might have some slippers or something upstairs that you can have for tonight.”

“Oh, that’s okay, Mr. Morningstar. It would ruin the outfit. Besides I’m used to them,” Hector explained.

“Ri…ight.” Seriously? He tore his eyes off the painful looking feet and looked upward again. Noticed the sad demeanor. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, you know. Words with the wife,” Hector admitted.

“Oh?” What else could he say?

“Yeah. She hates it when I borrow her clothes. She says I look better in them than she does. You know how it goes,” he added.

Lucifer had to remind himself to close his mouth. Words just failed him. Yeah, he had nothing.

~

In the SUV, jaws dropped and were hanging. Not a word was spoken by any.


	3. The Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the evening draws to a close.

Lucifer moved back into his comfort zone, in front of the bar, glad-handing. He met an investment banker, a studio executive, a city council member, and also a grad student and a waitress. All on a night out on the town. All drinking. All needing something or someone. Favors were collected and exchanged. Some were large but most were small. He wasn’t sure why the city councilman needed an introduction to the local coven of wiccans but it was an interesting request. He also was keeping an eye on the bar. Marcus, he was pleased with, and Hector… he just could not get the sight of those shoes out of his head.  But Hector was doing his usual excellent job and the customers were happy, if not a bit stunned by the bartender. He shook his head at the thought of those shoes again and noticed a lady holding onto the rails as she slowly made her way down the stairs. She was lovely. She was slightly stooped with age, wearing a pantsuit with pearls, white haired, and he simply adored her. He indicated to the waiter to bring a table and chairs over by his piano as he went to meet his special guest.

“Ms. White,” he greeted her with a smile, a peck on the cheek, and an arm to escort her to the table and chairs that just materialized.

“Oh, why thank you dear. Very kind to help an old lady down the stairs.” She gave his arm a squeeze as she took a seat.

“You’re not old, a mere babe in the woods,” replied the timeless devil. “What can I get to wet your whistle? Martini? A cosmo?”

She swatted his arm. “Oh no, nothing fancy. How about a nice whiskey. Neat.”

Lucifer smiled. The older generation knew how to drink right. Especially little old ladies. “Of course. Be right back.” At the bar he selected a special bottle of amber gold whiskey off the top shelf and two glasses, and signed the chit that Hector wordlessly put in front of him.

~

John whistled in appreciation of the selection.

~

At the table he poured two glasses and joined her.

“Mmm, smooth,” Betty commented. “I saw the house all dark tonight, on my way here.”

Lucifer slowly let the whiskey trickle down his throat, savoring it. She was right, very smooth. When Chloe discovered she was pregnant, and he’d recovered from the shock of it, he insisted on house hunting. While marriage was a bit tricky with both of them a bit fearful of screwing up what they had finally managed to achieve relationship-wise, Chloe was having his child and he wanted to provide for her and the children. A lovely house in the hills with a pool and room for horses if they so choose was perfect, and as it turned out just down the road from Betty White, their closest neighbor. And she had enough animals on her property to keep even Trixie distracted. “Ah yes, Chloe’s working and the kids are upstairs with my mum,” he answered as he topped off their drinks.

“She’s back to work so soon?” Betty remarked. She was glad to see such a vibrant young family move in next door. And there always seemed to be a diverse extended family visiting. And that Trixie was such a precocious little girl. Always coming over to see the animals. Being surrounded by young ones is what helped keep her young and active as well.

 “Duty calls,” Lucifer answered with a slight sigh. Chloe did not have to work. He would have happily given her whatever she wished but police work was in her blood. She couldn’t stay away. He still worked with her on occasion but not as often as before.

“Oh, before I forget, bring the kids over this weekend. I’ve got some new foster animals that I thought they’d like to meet,” she informed him.

“Oh, what is it this time?” Lucifer asked, last month it had been lamas.

“Pygmy goats,” she answered.

Lucifer scowled.

She noted the look. “Not a goat person?”

He sipped his whiskey. “You could say that.”

~

Amenadiel couldn’t stop grinning.

~

She patted his hand, “You’re such a nice young man,” and glanced over at the piano. “Any chance I could convince you to tickle the ivories tonight?” She loved to hear him play. It’s one of the reasons she made the effort to stop by the club, to hear him play and maybe even sing a little. And a nice drink or two wouldn’t be bad.

He smiled at her indulgently, “anything in particular?” he asked as he rose to move to the piano bench. He frowned a bit as he noticed a few specs of dried frosting on the keys. It seemed that nothing he owned was pristine anymore and now not even his beloved piano.

“Oh, you’re the piano man, play me a memory, something sad and sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man’s clothes,” she said with a smile.

Lucifer chuckled. He could take a hint. Billy Joel tonight. And after a quick check to make sure the keys didn’t stick, he began…

_It's nine o'clock on a Saturday_

_The regular crowd shuffles in_

_There's an old man sitting next to me_

_Makin' love to his tonic and gin_

_He says, "Son, can you play me a memory_

_I'm not really sure how it goes_

_But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete_

_When I wore a younger man's clothes."_

_La la la, di da da_

_La la, di da da da dum_

 

_Sing us a song, you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well, we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feelin' alright_

 

~

“Oh I love that song,” Linda proclaimed. “It was part of the background music when I worked as 1-800-Dr. Feelgood.”

Amenadiel, John and Lisa Marie all turned to look in the backseat.

Maze nodded. “Yeah, I wish I knew you back then.”

Linda was well in her trip down memory lane by the time the song was ending.

 

_And the piano it sounds like a carnival_

_And the microphone smells like a beer_

_And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar_

_And say, "Man, what are you doing here?"_

 

_Sing us a song you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feeling alright_

 

“Mmm, mmm, mm, he does do it well,” Linda said with a satisfied smile.

“Mmm, it’s been a while but yeah, he always has been good,” Maze agreed. “Chloe’s a lucky lady.”

Amenadiel was now frowning at Maze, and even a bit at Linda.

Lisa Marie gave nod in agreement that there was at least something almost hypnotic about Mr. Morningstar, especially when he played.

John wasn’t really sure what was or was not being alluded to here.

~

Lucifer gave a quick half bow of thanks at the applause.

Betty smiled. He sure knew how to treat a lady. “That was lovely, dear.”

He gallantly kissed her hand and quickly glanced at the bar. Hector was waving him over. “Anytime. Here, let me top that off for you. And if you would pardon me for a moment, I believe I’m needed at the bar.” He left her the bottle.

As Lucifer approached the bar he spotted an impeccably dressed woman, dripping in diamonds and sex. Hector just nodded in her direction. “Hello, I’m Lucifer Morningstar. Is there something I can do for you?” he asked with a charming smile and extended hand.

“Why yes. I believe that there is. I’m Leticia and tonight is going to be the most memorable night of your life,” she informed him as she took his hand in hers.

“Really? I’m intrigued. Tell me more,” he answered as he herded her towards the empty booth that was still screened off for the children.

She took a seat at the booth. “Yes, I have a proposition for you. A business proposition that is,” she smiled coyly. “And perhaps a bit of a personal one as well.” She placed her hand strategically on his leg and rubbed, not too hard, not too soft, but moving higher up the leg with each stroke. He was incredibly sexy.

Lucifer didn’t react to her ministrations… in any way. “Hmm, my dear, let’s hear the business portion first.”

Her hand stopped as she realized that she wasn’t reaching him, at all. “I own the best sex club in town. You own the best night club in town with the hottest people.”

“Leticia Portman,” now he recognized her.

She smiled at him. She liked that he’d heard of her. “Yes. And I like to host parties. I hear you like a good party. I was thinking of a little…cross pollinating to our mutual benefit.” Her hand was back on his thigh.

He returned the smile. “I’m afraid your information is a bit dated.”

She squeezed her hand just right. “Oh? How’s that?”

“I’m no longer available for parties… or pollinating,” he answered as he glanced over at the bar. He just knew she was there. “And if you move your hand any higher, I can attest to the Detective’s accuracy with a bullet.”

She turned around and noticed a tall, thin woman with light brown hair approach. She was pretty enough when dressed up she supposed but not nearly classy enough or hot enough for a man like this, she was sure. “Her?” she asked incredulously.

“Me.” Chloe confirmed and pulled back her jacket to reveal the badge. She glanced at Lucifer. “I really can’t leave you alone to your own devices, can I?”

Lucifer shook his head. “No, no you really can’t,” he agreed and grinned.

“And sex clubs are illegal,” Chloe pointed out.

“You can’t be serious.” She glanced at Lucifer Morningstar. Everything she’d heard about him over the years suggested that nothing was impossible with him, in bed or out of. That’s why she approached him. Merging or even cross promoting their businesses would be a no brainer. And taking him to bed was simply the cherry on top, especially after she saw him.

“I am.” Chloe confirmed.

Lucifer cleared his throat. “Right, I’m afraid Ms. Portman that I will have to respectfully decline your invitation.” He nodded towards Chloe, “besides, she really is a good shot. I have the scar on my leg to prove it.”

~

John looked back, “she really shot him?”

Maze shrugged. “It was just a graze. He only limped for a few days.”

John looked back at the screen for a moment and watched Leticia beat a hasty retreat. “And he went on to have a child with her?”

Linda answered, “Yep, I think he might have fallen in love that night she shot him.”

“Yeah, he always did love to live a bit on the edge,” Maze concurred.

~

Chloe folded her arms as she stared down her smirking devil. “A sex club? Seriously Lucifer it’s not funny. I’m a detective. You’re a civilian consultant for the police. You can’t make shady deals with sex club owners.”

He watched her lips move. So inviting. “But I didn’t,” he reasonably pointed out and stood to take her hand. “Let’s dance.”

“Lucifer, who’s watching the kids?” she asked as he dragged her out onto the dance floor.

“Mum,” he replied and took her in his arms.

Chloe actually rolled her eyes. “Really? Your mother? You know how she is with Trixie. And what does she know about infants?”

“Trixie can hold her own, I’m sure. And Sam was already fed and ready for bed when she got here,” Lucifer assured her.

Chloe started to pull away. “I should go check.”

Lucifer shook his head. “No. You go up there and Mum will leave. We haven’t been alone together since Sam was born. Let’s dance.”

He was a smooth dancer and glided them across the dance floor. And it had been sometime since it was just the two of them she decided. “A crowded dance floor isn’t alone,” she pointed out.

“It can be,” he was still concentrating on those lips. Watching them pout slightly. His eyes only on her, those lips…

Her breath caught as they spun across the floor. She watched his eyes as they seemed to want to devour her lips. It was almost as if they were in their very own little world. Miles away from anyone or anything. Just the two of them.

~

Linda scrounged in her bag until she found a pack and a lighter. Maze tapped her on the arm and she handed a cigarette to her. And then one to Lisa Marie.

“No smoking in the car,” John demanded. What was wrong with them?

“Uh huh,” Linda replied between puffs and the ladies agreed, as they continued to smoke and watch the screen.

~

They danced until the bar closed, and then snuggled in a booth together, as the cleaning crew went to work. Chloe glanced over by the piano at their neighbor. “She’s asleep.”

Lucifer was busy twining her hair through his fingers. “I’ll drop her off on our way home.”

Chloe smiled lazily as she relaxed in his arms. Her fingers twined with his. “Sex clubs, parties, drinking with Betty White. What am I going to do with you?”

Lucifer grinned. “I can think of several things…Chloe.” They both heard the club door open and someone walk in. Only someone with a key could open the locked door. He waited until the large man approached them. “And whom might you be?”

“My name is John Taffer and I have a show called Bar Rescue,” he said by way of introduction.

“Ah, but my bar doesn’t need rescuing,” Lucifer countered.

“True. I’m looking to do a special on the best bar,” he explained.

Lucifer cocked his head, “you’ve been conspiring with Maze.”

John nodded. “Yes. How’d you know?”

Lucifer chuckled. “The bartender fiasco, the late delivery, the whole evening. I know a setup when I see one.” He glanced around, “not to mention the cameras and mics. You’ve been watching.”

John took a seat. He wasn’t surprised that Lucifer knew all along about tonight. “I have.”

“And…” Lucifer coaxed.

“Despite some of the wildest quirks I’ve ever seen, you have a hell of a bar here. And you’re one hell of a bartender.” John concluded.

“Thank you.”

“Would you be interested in us showcasing Lux?” John asked.

“Lux, yes. Everything else…” he glanced at Chloe. “No. My personal life, though quirky, is my own.”

“That’s fair enough.” John agreed.

They all turned as they heard the elevator ‘bing’.

Charlotte still had her heals and skirt on but her hair looked like she’d just washed it and she was wearing one of Lucifer’s shirts as she marched over, plopped the baby monitor on the table, and promptly left without a word. 

“I lose more shirts that way,” Lucifer observed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that my friends is the end. Hope you enjoyed their evening at Lux as much as I did. ;)


End file.
